The Art of Saying No: Setting Boundaries with Self-Compassion

Updated 09.04.26

By Ellie Poore

Living with a health condition asks a lot from us - and often the requests, responsibilities and expectations of daily life just keep coming!

For many, the pressure to say yes can feel almost hardwired into us. We don't want to let people down. We don't want to be seen as difficult, or to draw attention to our limitations. And so, perhaps more than our bodies would like, we say yes - and then quietly pay the price afterwards.

Recently, one of our Breathworks teachers, Sophie, shared something in one of her community sessions that we thought many of you might recognise. She'd been reflecting on what it really means to set boundaries from a place of genuine self-care, and two recent moments had caught her attention.

A fence made of wooden posts and rope divides two sections of beach


The first came from someone Sophie had been working with for several years - we’ll call her Hannah - who lives with fatigue. In a social situation where Hannah was already running low, a close friend made a request that would have been easy enough to agree to - and in another moment, she might have. But Hannah knew her body had had enough. She said no. Her friend was disappointed, even a little frustrated and that was uncomfortable. But through years of mindfulness practice and a deepening self-awareness, Hannah was able to sit with it, meet it with kindness, and trust that she had made the right choice for herself.

Something about this moment really stayed with Sophie. It wasn't reactive or apologetic, it was a clear and compassionate no - rooted in a kind understanding of what her body and mind needed in that moment. And crucially, Hannah had been able to let the discomfort of disappointing someone she cared about simply be there, without it changing her mind.

Sophie's own recent experience mirrored this. She regularly attends a community group where she sometimes takes a turn leading a meditation session. When asked to step up one week, she said no - something she admits she probably wouldn't have done in the past. She'd had a difficult week, was carrying a lot of stress, and recognised she needed to be held rather than to hold. "Before, I probably would have done it," she reflected, "felt obliged, drained myself, and felt a bit resentful afterwards."

This is where mindfulness practice can powerfully shift the way we care for ourselves. When we've spent time paying attention - really noticing what happens in our bodies and minds when we push too hard, or say yes when we mean no - we begin to build a kind of inner authority. We start to know, from lived experience, what is genuinely possible for us on any given day. This kind of self-understanding is especially important because our limits will often change - sometimes hour to hour. It allows us to have boundaries that aren't rigid rules we impose on ourselves, but something more alive and responsive than that.

Sunlight reflects on a wave


For those who have explored pacing as part of their mindfulness practice, this may feel familiar. Pacing invites us to get curious about the effect our activities have on us - not to restrict ourselves, but to understand ourselves more honestly. That understanding, over time, becomes the foundation from which we can set boundaries with confidence rather than guilt.

As meditation teacher Tara Brach puts it, saying no is a crucial act of self-care - one that moves us from automatic, fear-driven reactivity to a place of conscious, compassionate presence. It allows us to stop doing in order to please others, and instead honour our own needs for rest, nourishment and emotional safety.

For those of us living with health conditions, saying no may be something we need to do often. And it may never feel entirely comfortable. But perhaps that discomfort doesn't have to mean we've done something wrong. With mindfulness, we can learn to meet it with gentleness - to let it be there, without letting it have the final say.

This week, try noticing what happens in your body when you're about to say yes to something. Is it a settled yes, or a reluctant one?


Is saying no something you find difficult? Has your mindfulness practice changed your relationship with it at all? We’d love to hear from you - please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

About Sophie

Mindfulness Teacher, Sophie Matthew smiles at the camera

Sophie Matthew has been teaching mindfulness and meditation for over a decade and has had a personal practice for much longer. She has found this to be transformative in her own life, particularly in relation to living with chronic pain, as well as stress, and is passionate about sharing its many deep benefits with others.

Sophie is an Associate Teacher, trainer and supervisor for Breathworks and regularly teaches both Mindfulness for Stress and Mindfulness for Health courses as well as offering one to one sessions and mindfulness in the workplace. 

Sophie very much enjoys working collaboratively and doing what she can to support others on their own unique and individual journeys with mindfulness.

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